Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Let's paint friendship bongs
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
