so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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