Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
