I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
