The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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