does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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