I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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