I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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