the condom got lost in my hair
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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