I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize