We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
