K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
