So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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