my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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