Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
