I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
