Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
