He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
