He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
