he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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