So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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