I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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