Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
