I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
