I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
