That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
