I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
