who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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