Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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