I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize