I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
