i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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