Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize