I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
