Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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