I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
