I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
