john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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