Do you still have your period?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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