We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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