i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
