Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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