He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
