My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
