Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
