Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
