i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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