Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
did i just pee glitter
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
