If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
