i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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