Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
