He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize