Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
