You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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