After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
