My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
