i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
