My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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