She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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