I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
