I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
