y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
