stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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