i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
