Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you traded sex for a burrito?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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