to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
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